Memories
by Eleix Moone
Summary: Remus is haunted by the memories that he and his beloved Sirius shared. Based on the song "Memories" by Within Temptation.


**READ FIRST: This story was meant to be accompanied by music. Certain scenes, such as the wedding and death scene, have songs that go with it. **

**Wedding (3****rd**** memory): Pachelbel's Canon in D Minor**

**Death (last memory): With You by Josh Groban **

**In this world you tried,  
Not leaving me alone behind.  
There's no other way,  
I pray to the gods let him stay.  
The memories ease the pain inside,  
And now I know why.**_  
_

Remus sat on the bed, sobbing. "Why did you have to leave me, Siri?" he cried out, the memories of his beloved haunting him. He shook his head, his hands gripping his hair. "I loved you! How could you do this to me?" He looked up. Glancing at the mirror, he saw a picture. God, how he remembered that day! It was taken back in fifth year, the day after Sirius had confessed to Remus his feelings about him....

_Remus was curled up near the fireplace, reading a book. He looked up as he heard someone coughing. His heart fluttered. "Hey, Sirius," he said, greeting his friend. "What's up?"_

_Sirius looked at Remus nervously. "Um, Remy... can I talk to you about something? It's important." Sirius twittled his fingers, trying his hardest not to make eye contact with Remus. _

_"Sure, what is it?" Remus looked at Sirius, who was looking down again, a sullen look on his face. "Siri, what's wrong?"_

_"It's just... Remus, I..." _

_By this time, Remus was beginning to become concerned. "Sirius, tell me! What's going on?"_

_"I...."_

_"Remus!" came a voice, cutting off Sirius mid-sentence._

_"Yeah, James?" Remus answered, momentarily forgetting that he was supposed to be helping Sirius. Sirius let out a shaky breath, quickly becoming agitated. _

_"I found the instructions for the potion that you were working on! It was in one of Lily's books-" James said, a glimmer of pride evident in his eyes._

_"James, do you mind? I was trying to talk to Remus!" Sirius huffed. James ignored him._

_"So, what you need to do is-"_

_"James!"_

_"-stir the beet root and newts eye counterclockwise for two minutes-"_

_"JAMES!" _

_"-and then let that simmer for five, then add some powdered unicorn hoof-"_

_"JAMES!"_

_"What?" James finally seemed to realize that Sirius was in the room. "Oh, hi Sirius. So, Remus, as I was saying-"_

_"James! Shut up! I'm trying to tell Remus that I'm in love with him, and you're not making it all that easy for me!" Looking shocked at what he just said, Sirius clamped his hand over his mouth before running out of the room. Remus stared forward, stunned. His heart raced. Sirius, Hogwarts' ladies' man, was in love with HIM? How did that happen? He smiled broadly._

_"Remus!" James exclaimed, snapping Remus out of his trance. "Go and find Sirius! Tell him that you're in love with him, too!" Remus shook his head._

_"How am I supposed to know where Siri is?" he asked impatiently. **God dammit! **He thought. **Why is it that Sirius runs away from me after he tells me he loves me? He didn't give me any time to say it back! **Remus dashed out of the common room, no longer caring that he didn't have any idea as to where Sirius would have disappeared to. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. "How could I have been so stupid?" he wondered aloud as he turned back around. As he reached the common room, he saw James._

_"Looking for this?" James asked, holding out the map. Remus nodded. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," James muttered, pointing his wand at the map. He glanced at it. "Sirius is in the Astronomy Tower."_

_"Thanks!" Remus exclaimed, once again rushing out of the room. He sprinted to the tower, not ever pausing to catch his breath. As he reached the top of the tower, he saw the silhouette of a figure surrounded by moonlight. _

_"I'm such a dumbass!" the figured cried out, his voice constricted as he muttered through his tears. "Why did I have to tell him how I feel? Why couldn't I have just been content with only being friends? He's going to hate me forever now! Ugh, I'm such an idiot!" _

_"You aren't an idiot, Siri," Remus said, walking over to his friend. His heart broke to see the man he loved crying. He brushed the tears off of Sirius' face with the pad of his thumb. _

_"Remus?" Sirius asked, confused. "Why don't you hate me?" _

_Remus sighed. "Sirius, how could I ever hate you?"_

_"Because I ruined everything! I fell in love with you! That was the dumbest thing I ever did....." Sirius' voice trailed off. _

_"And why is that?"_

_"Because you'll never feel the same way back!" Sirius cried out, tears forming in his gray eyes once again. "You don't love me!"_

_Remus chucked. "You can be a bit thick sometimes, Sirius."_

_"I'm glad you find this amusing, Remy," Sirius huffed, looking away. Remus went and sat down next to Sirius, putting his arms around his friend._

_"Sirius, I love you. I always have. Ever since we met on the train our first year here," Remus said, pulling Sirius close. _

_"I love you so much, Remy. So much it hurts," Sirius mumbled, burying his head into Remus' shoulder. Remus gently lifted his chin, and placed a light kiss on Sirius' lips, testing out Sirius' reaction. Slowly but surely, the kiss became more passionate. The pair snogged for a minute before Sirius pulled away._

_"So, does this mean that we're boyfriend and boyfriend now?" Sirius asked. _

_"Do you really have to ask?" Remus laughed. A smile spread across Sirius' face before he kissed his boyfriend again. _

**All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd be here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
****In silent whispers, silent tears**

Remus pulled the picture off of the wall, hugging it close to his heart. "I need to get out of this house..." he mumbled as he exited Sirius' and his bedroom. Remus grabbed his coat, and made his way down the drive into the chilled night air.

As he walked, the more and more he thought of Sirius and the life they had together...

_"Remy!" Sirius cried, throwing his arms around his boyfriend as Remus walked into their flat. "I missed you!" _

_Remus laughed as he kissed his boyfriend, picking him up and spinning him around. "Siri, I was only gone for five minutes!" he cried, still laughing. _

_"So? Can't I miss you anyway?" Sirius teased, pulling Remus close. _

_"Nope!" Remus teased back. He kissed Sirius before saying, "I need to go and take a shower before our date tonight, okay?"_

_"Oh. Can I join you?" Sirius said, winking. He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. _

_"Ha, no. Not this time," Remus answered, kissing Sirius one more time before going into the bedroom. He grabbed a pair of slacks, and walked over to his nightstand, opening a drawer. "Great, it's still there..." he mumbled to himself. He lifted the gift, making sure that it was perfect. He smiled to himself before putting the tiny package back. He went into the shower._

_An hour and a half later, Remus and Sirius were finally leaving. "So, where exactly are we going?" Sirius asked Remus, interlacing their fingers together. _

_"It's a surprise. And we're going to more places than just one tonight," Remus said, touching Sirius' nose. He smiled. "Come on. And keep your eyes closed!" As Sirius closed his eyes, Remus apparated them to the restaurant. "Okay, you can open your eyes," he said to Sirius as they arrived to the front of the restaurant. _

_"Oh, my God...." Sirius whispered. "Remy.... I've always wanted to come here! But are you sure we can afford this?" _

_"Yeah, we're fine," Remus assured Sirius. "And order anything you want tonight."_

_"Are you sure, Remy? I don't want this to cost too much," Sirius commented, slightly worried. _

_"Yeah, I'm sure," Remus answered. As they were seated, Sirius looked around the place._

_"Wow, Remy... this place is amazing!" Sirius exclaimed, admiring the atmosphere of the room. _

_"Welcome to The Golden Heart ," a server said. "Would to like to start out your meal with a bottle of wine?"_

_"Yes, please," Remus urged. A few moments later, the server returned with the bottle._

_"Thank you."_

_An hour later, Remus and Sirius were finishing their meal. "That was delicious," Sirius commented. "Thank you so much for bringing me here, Remus." _

_"No problem, babe," Remus answered, a smile gracing his face. His face fell as his hand brushed the pocket where the ring was supposed to be. The pocket was flat. __So Sirius wouldn't notice the change in his expression, Remus quickly smiled again. __**Just keep on going like nothing is wrong.... don't let Sirius notice anything.**__ Once the waiter brought the check, Remus' breath caught. "Fuck..." he muttered. _

_"What?" Sirius asked. "How much will this cost?"_

_Remus shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Siri. I have it taken care of." __**Yeah, all 300 gallons of it... **__Once Remus had paid, he took Sirius' hand again. "Come on, there's another part of our date." Remus apparated Sirius and himself to a frozen lake, which was surrounded by falling snow. _

_"Wow, Remy, it's beautiful!" Sirius exclaimed. _

_"I agree," Remus answered, his eyes glued to Sirius. "We're going ice skating."_

_Sirius' entire face lit up. "Yeah! Remy, I haven't gone ice skating in such a long time!"_

_"I know, which is why I thought we should go tonight." He led Sirius out to the middle of the lake. He watched as Sirius glided across the ice gracefully. As soon as Remus attempted to move, he fell flat on his ass. A light pattering was heard on the ice as Sirius skated towards him. _

_"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, pulling his boyfriend up. _

_"Yeah, I'm fine," Remus answered as he stood, embarrassed. He skated a little bit forward to show he was indeed fine. He saw Sirius bend down._

_"Remy, this fell out of your jacket pocket. What is it?" Sirius handed the box to Remus. He gasped as Remus got down on one knee. "Oh, my God..."_

_"Sirius, I love you. I've loved you my entire life, and I plan on loving you forever. Will you marry me?" He opened the box to reveal a silver band._

_"Yes! Oh yes, Remus, yes!" Sirius smiled as tears came to his eyes and tackled Remus to the ice before kissing him. _

_"I love you so much, Siri," Remus said, tears gathering in his own eyes._

_"I love you, too."_

**  
Made me promise I'd try,  
To find my way back in this life.  
Hope there is a way,  
To give me a sign you're okay.  
Reminds me again it's worth it all,  
So I can go home.**

**  
**Remus choked back a sob as he walked through the bitter wind towards a bench under a shaded oak, it's snow covered limbs swaying in the air. Remus sat down on the bench and closed his eyes. Visions of his life with Sirius danced before his eyes. Tears rolled down his face as Remus remembered one of the happiest days of his life. Remus opened his eyes and looked down at the band on his left ring finger. A symbol of his love for Sirius....

_Remus stared at his reflection in the mirror of his and Sirius' new house. They had decided a little over a month ago that they would rather start their new life in an __actual HOUSE rather than a flat. Therefore, they now own a house near James and Lily's. They had wanted to be near to them so that they would be able to see their godson grow up. Remus came back out of his dreamworld to hear a knock on the door._

_"Who is it?" he asked, turning towards the door. _

_"Lily," came a voice. Remus nodded._

_"Come in."_

_Lily walked in. "Hey, Remus," she said. "You look great! Sirius is going to fall in love with you all over again." _

_Remus smiled. "You look great, too, Lily." Lily was wearing a light blue dress that went to just above her knees. "Where is Harry?"_

_"He's with James, who is with Sirius," Lily answered. She laughed. "I remember back in fourth year, when you first confessed to me that you had feelings for Sirius. I remember how upset you were because you didn't think that you had any chance with him."_

_Remus smiled. "I never thought that I would ever get a chance like this. If you had told me back in fourth year that I'd end up marrying Sirius, I'd think you were insane. And I'd probably hex you for trying to get my hopes up." Remus chuckled, shaking his head. "Ah, the good old days." He looked at his watch. "It's nearly time."_

_"Nervous?" _

_"A little bit," Remus admitted. "I don't know why I'm nervous, though. I'm about to marry the love of my life! Were you nervous when you and James were getting married?"_

_"Obviously," Lily laughed. "I kept forgetting my vows. I was terrified that I'd forget them when it was time to say them."_

_A knock sounded at the door. James poked his head in."Remus, you ready?" Remus nodded and followed James down to the yard, where Sirius was standing. He walked over to him._

_The minister of magic began talking. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Sirius Orion Black and Remus John Lupin. It took a long time, but we're finally here." The congregation chuckled. "Men, if you would please-" he gestured to their hands. Sirius nodded and took Remus' hands in his own. "Remus and Sirius have decided to recite their own vows." He looked at Remus._

_"Sirius," he started. "I love you with my whole heart. I've loved you since that very first day on the train, when you said 'hello' to me for the first time. You've made me into the person I am today. I can still remember how happy I was when you told me, accidentally, that you were in love with me, even if you didn't give me the chance to say it back before running away." Remus winked at Sirius, who grinned. "I promise to love you until the day I die, Siri. Forever and Always." Sirius choked up as Remus said the last line. The line that was inscribed into their wedding bands. The minister looked up._

_"Sirius, your turn," he said._

_Sirius took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the tears in his eyes. "Remus, what can I say? You've always been the man I've been in love with. Even when I was such a ladies' man back at Hogwarts. You've stuck by me no matter how many times I've messed up. Remy, I love you so much. You mean the world to me. I promise to protect you and keep you safe for as long as we both shall live. Forever and Always." He smiled._

_"If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace." When no one said anything, the minister continued, "Remus, repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed." Remus took the ring, and placed it on Sirius' left ring finger as he repeated the minister's words. Sirius did the same. "I now pronounce you Mr. And Mr. Lupin-Black. You may kiss the groom." _

**  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd be here.  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent whispers, silent tears.**

Remus walked from the park to James and Lily's house. He heard a cry as he reached the front of the house.

"DADDY!" A little boy ran down the steps towards Remus. "Daddy, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Daddy's fine, Orion. He's just missing Dad." Remus' voice was shaky. He looked around. "Orion, where's Caelum?" Orion shrugged.

"Daddy!" came another cry from the front steps. "Daddy's here! Daddy's here!" Caelum ran towards Remus, running (well, more like stumbling) as fast as her three-year-old legs could carry her. Remus remembered when Sirius and he adopted Caelum...

_"Remy!" Sirius called from the kitchen. "Can you come here? Orion want to see his Daddy!" _

_Remus laughed. "Coming, dear." Two years previously, Remus and Sirius' cozy family of two expanded to a family of three with the adoption of one-month-old Orion. Remus walked downstairs to see his husband of six years in an apron making spaghetti. His son, the trouble-maker that he was, was pulling on Sirius' apron strings and tying them to the drawers nearest to the stove. "Siri, you might want to check your apron."_

_"What? Why?" Sirius looked down. "Orion Michael Lupin-Black! Do NOT tie dad to ANYTHING!" Orion started to cry. Sirius' face fell as he sat down on the floor next to his son. "Orion, I'm sorry. Dad didn't mean to yell. I just don't want you getting hurt, and tying Dad to something while he's cooking isn't safe, okay?"_

_Orion nodded. "Outside?" he said in his cutest two-year-old voice. "Pwease? Outside?" Sirius looked at Remus, who nodded._

_"Come on, Ori," Remus sighed, picking up the boy. "Where do you want to go?"_

_"Park!" Orion giggled, putting arms around Remus' neck. _

_"Remy, I need to talk to you about something when you guys get back, okay?" _

_* * * *_

_"So, what did you want to talk to me about, Sirius?" Remus asked after putting Orion down for the night._

_"What would you say about adopting another child? I don't want Orion to be an only child for the rest of his life," Sirius said, looking at Remus. "Maybe adopt a girl this time? Then we'd have one of each."_

_"That's a great idea, Siri," Remus said, putting his arm around his husband. "How about we go to the adoption agency tomorrow? We already have a room set up." When Orion moved into his 'big boy room,' Remus and Sirius kept the nursery as it was in case they added another baby into their family. _

_"Okay," Sirius answered, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder. What do you think we should name the baby this time?"_

_"Hmmm.... we should name her after a star, like we did with Orion," Remus said. "But, lets wait until we see her until we decide."_

_"Okay." Sirius looked at his watch. "It's getting late, baby. I think we should go to bed now." Remus nodded._

_The next day, Remus and Sirius woke Orion up early. "Wake up, Ori," Sirius cooed in his son's ear. "You get to go to Aunt Lily and Uncle James' house! You? can play with baby Harry."_

_"Baby?" Orion asked, intrigued. This would be the first time that Orion had ever gotten to see the new baby, who was only a few weeks old. He clapped his hands as he smiled. "Baby!"_

_Sirius chuckled. "Guess what Dad and Daddy are going to be doing while you're playing with the baby?" Orion shrugged. "We're going to try and adopt a baby sister for you. Would you like that?" _

_Orion started clapping and laughing again. "Baby sisteh! Baby sisteh!" Remus and Sirius smiled at each other._

_"Come on then, lets go!" Remus held on to Orion tightly as he stepped into the fire place to reach the Potters' house via the Floo Network. _

_* * * *_

_"I'm sorry, but we don't have any girls at this agency," the social worker said. Remus and Sirius' faces fell. _

_"Oh... okay," Sirius said, looking at Remus. They started to walk out of the agency when the social worker said,_

_"Well, we do have one girl. But I don't know if you men would want her. She's a bit... different."_

_Sirius looked up. "Different, as in how?"_

_"She... She's a werewolf. Would you guys be able to handle that?" Remus' face lit up. _

_"Can we see her?" he asked excitedly. When the social worker nodded, Remus beamed. He took Sirius' hand. "Come on, Sirius, lets go see our daughter!" His happiness had obviously rubbed off on the other man, as Sirius beamed just as broadly as Remus had. The men followed the social worker into a room, occupied by a single crib. The social worker waited at the door as the couple walked over to the crib to see their new child. Remus picked up the baby girl._

_"She... she's beautiful," Remus whispered, looking at his daughter. Sirius nodded. "She needs a name. What about Caelum Elizabeth?" Sirius nodded. _

_"Welcome to the family, baby Caelum," Sirius whispered, pulling both his husband and the baby closer to him._

**  
Together in all these memories,  
I see your smile.  
All of the memories I hold dear.  
Darling you know I'll love you,  
Til the end of time.**

Remus hugged his children close. For the six months, the Lupin-Black family had been a trio. Remus blinked back tears as a painful memory entered his mind... Sirius' death.

_Remus leaned on Sirius' bed, Caelum in his arms. Orion was sitting on the foot of the bed, toying with the sheets near Sirius' feet. The room was silent except for the heart monitor's steady beep that signaled Sirius was still alive. Sirius had been diagnosed with cancer a year earlier. For the first eight months, he spent his time in and out of the hospital before being permanently admitted two months prior. Both Remus and Sirius knew that they're time together was short. Remus glanced up as Sirius stirred._

_"Remus?" Sirius said weakly. Remus put Caelum down next to her brother and laid down next to his husband. He put his arm around Sirius' frail body. _

_"Yes, Siri?" Remus asked, already knowing what Sirius was going to say. Tears filled Remus' eyes._

_"I don't think there's much time left," Sirius whispered, coughing. Remus hugged his husband close. "I... I want to say goodbye to the kids." Remus nodded before gesturing to the kids to come closer. Orion crawled up to his father as Remus picked up two-year-old Caelum._

_"Hi, Dad," Orion said softly, laying his head on Sirius' chest. Remus had already explained to him what happening with Sirius._

_"Ori..." Sirius mumbled, his hands lightly stroking his son's hair. "I want you to be good to Daddy, okay? He'll need help taking care of Caelum once... once I'm gone."_

_"But I don't want you to leave, Dad. I want you to stay here," Orion cried, tears spilling out of his eyes._

_Sirius sighed. "I know, buddy. Me, too. I wish I could, but God want me to come __home. Orion, can you do something for me?" Orion nodded. "If you miss me, look up at the dog star, okay? I'll be up there, watching you as you grow up. I'll be there when you start Hogwarts, when you get married, when you have your own children, and every time in between. I love you, kid. I want you to always remember that. Even though I won't be here with you, I'll never stop loving you." _

_"I love you, too," Orion said, looking up at his father. He kissed Sirius' pale cheek gingerly. He hugged his father close as Remus brought Caelum closer._

_"Dada," she said meekly, touching Sirius' forehead with her tiny hand. Sirius held his arms out for his daughter. Remus walked over to the doorway. _

_"Hey, Cae," he whispered, kissing her lightly. "I'll miss you, baby girl. I want you to look up to Ori, okay? He's your brother, and he will be there for you since I can't. Take good care of Daddy for me. You two need each other during your transformations."_

_Although Caelum didn't know what was going on, she picked up on the mood of everyone in the room. "Dada," she whimpered as she started to cry. _

_"I love you, baby girl. I'll always be with you," he kissed Caelum again. He looked up as Lily entered the room._

_"I-I thought you two might want to spend a few moments alone," Lily said, her voice strangled. Remus nodded. _

_"Bye, Dad," Orion said weakly as he kissed his father for the last time._

_"Dada," Caelum said again, reaching out to touch Sirius' thin hair. Lily took the hands of the children and led them out of the room. Remus stared forward, trying his hardest not cry._

_"Come here, Remy," Sirius said lightly. Remus walked over to the bed. He pulled his frail husband into his arms. "Remy..."_

_"Siri..." Remus cried, leaning his head onto Sirius'. "Siri... I love you so much. I don't know how I'm going to be able to survive without your light shining for me everyday." _

_"You'll survive, Remy. Caelum and Orion need you survive. You're all that they'll have left, Remy. I'll never fully leave you. I'll always be with you. I'll be watching you and loving you every moment of your life. You'll still be the only one that I love. I'll still guide you everyday of your life. And I promise you, I'll be the first person to greet you when we meet again in heaven someday. Remus, you have been my entire life. Falling in love with you was the best thing that ever happened to me."_

_"It'll be so hard, Sirius. I need you so much! Your love is the only reason I've been able to keep going these last few months. I don't know how to function without you in my life! You've been in my life constantly since we were eleven years old. You're only 38, you're way to young to die!" Remus sobbed._

_Tears rolled down Sirius' face. "You'll figure everything out, Remy. You've always been so smart. I've been the luckiest man on the face of the earth to have been loved by you. I wish we had more time together."_

_"I'm going to miss you so much, Siri. There is so much that we had planned in out lives that we never got to do! " _

_Sirius coughed. "Remy... it's time. I love you with all that I am." Sirius kissed Remus one final time before he took his last breath. Remus pulled Sirius to him one last time._

_"I miss you already, Siri." _****

All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears.

All of my memories...

**A/n: Did that ending make anyone cry? I was crying while I was writing it. I hope you all enjoyed this story, reviews are welcome.**

**-Kristan**

**xoxo**

**word count: 4,444**


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